How a fraternity changed my life
By Jason DeFronzo
Staff Writer
The word “fraternity” can spark a negative reaction in many people, yet there are some unknown groups that truly mean well and have changed people's lives, including mine. For the past seven years, I’ve been working with a fraternity that works to help young men become leaders and successful adults: DeMolay. I joined as soon as I could, shortly after I turned 12, as that's the minimum age to join. At first I was confused, quiet, and unsure what the point really was. In August of this year, I stepped down from my position as the third-highest officer in the state. I needed a break, and I wanted to focus on my college experience. I wanted to do more, but I didn’t know what more I could do. DeMolay is an entirely member-run organization. The people in the fraternity call the shots. While the members are the ones in charge, they have access to a group of advisors who are in charge of handling money, insurance, and safety. My first experiences with DeMolay were nothing special, just enjoying the events that other people had planned while I got my footing. However, not long after, COVID hit. For the next two years, there were no in-person meetings or events. I didn’t participate much during this time - I wasn’t very invested. When DeMolay returned to in-person meetings, there were significantly fewer members. At the same time, my brother wanted to move up to serve on the state board for DeMolay. Our chapter - our city’s division - had four active members, and it was my time to be in charge. I was elected to the head position for the next term, which lasted nine months. During that time, I learned more than at any other time in my life. Not only was I now running the chapter, but I was also a freshman in high school. This forced me to adjust to a new stage of my life while also trying to manage my local chapter. Balancing school, family, and DeMolay was especially difficult during this time, but it only got easier. A few months into my term, a large number of people would end up joining our chapter. I went from being in charge of two or three people to nearly 11. During this time, I learned how to run effective meetings and keep things on track. I learned how to come up with fun and engaging events and how to fundraise effectively. I learned how to use other people's skills to their benefit. I’d say this is when I learned how to lead people. After my term ended, I took a backseat. I was the only person regularly attending meetings who had been in charge in the past. I made sure I was available for people to ask for help. This period of time was just as important as being in charge. I was given the opportunity to see the people I mentor grow more confident and capable as I learned to stop being in charge. There were people who joined after me who now need to learn the lessons I did. It’s hard to take a backseat, especially after working so hard and seeing people take your position, but it’s necessary to know when your time is up. After all, I have other opportunities to grow further. Eventually, I would be asked to join the state board. It’s the same as a chapter, but instead of taking on a city or town, it covers the entire state. For the first year on the state board, I was appointed - chosen by the head of the state - to be the state senior deacon. I was now in the position to do the work, rather than being in charge or being asked for advice. I set up rooms, moved chairs, and planned more detailed events. When I was told to do something, I was expected to do it. I had to learn how to follow instructions. I had always been in charge before. However, that wasn’t always going to be the case. That lasted for a year. I made sure to make myself available and reliable. I wanted people to think of me when they needed someone to do something. In that, I succeeded. The following year, I was elected to the third-highest position in the state. I was neither at the top nor the bottom of the totem pole. This was another adjustment for me. Unfortunately, due to the size of DeMolay and member conflict, the members I was in charge of were unable to attend regularly. This often put me in the position of having to improvise and do things myself. I’m grateful for DeMolay. It has given me more life experiences than anything else. DeMolay teaches you to be a good person. Every organization has flaws, and DeMolay is no exception. But the reason so many people love it is because of the people. You’ll struggle to find someone you don’t like. These people teach you that the most important thing is to be true to yourself. That's why it's called DeMolay. It’s named after Jacques DeMolay, the last grandmaster of the Knights Templar, who died to protect his brothers. The greatest lesson of DeMolay, both the person and the organization, is something I now carry with me into my next chapter of college, and that is to “Live to the Truth.”
