Longevity shouldn’t equal loyalty

By Alexis Schlesinger 

Opinions Editor

It hurts to see those you love suffer at the hands of those you once respected. 

It hurts to see those you once respected loving those who have caused suffering. 

For some people, it seems, loyalty is the easy choice, so of course they will continue to make it. 

While I can see the appeal in the easy choice, and the hurt that may come from not making it, there comes a point where we have to “grow up,” for lack of a better term. 

People change. 

Some people change for the better, some for the worse. Some people have always had the “worse” inside of them, and the change is simply letting it show more frequently. 

Loyalty is human nature. We want to stay with what we know. 

Loyalty as a concept is not the problem. 

It’s hard to believe what we’re hearing when we are told someone we hold close is causing pain. 

Denial is human nature. We want to see the best in people, especially those who have shown us their best.

Seeing the best in the people you love is not the problem, either. 

But what are you supposed to do when they don’t show their best to others? 

Well, you are human. You have eyes for seeing, and ears for hearing. 

When you are told and shown that hurt is being caused by someone close to you, you have to listen. 

You have to keep your eyes open and see it. 

The problem occurs when you look but do not see, when you hear but do not listen. 

You are to blame when your loyalty is enabling someone else to continue to harm those around you. 

Being a bystander is dangerous. 

I have seen it time and time again. 

Being a bystander is dangerous to those being hurt. This should go without saying, but yes, you are contributing to harm by watching it happen and not taking any action. 

You may be feeling hurt yourself, wondering why people are feeling negatively toward someone you care for. 

Odds are, these people have a reason to feel negatively toward the person they claim is hurting them. If you don’t inspect this potential reasoning, it will continue, one way or another. 

All parties will continue to be hurt. 

The bully, as everyone turns against them. The victim, as they continue to be bullied. The bystander, as you wrestle with people you care about not caring for each other. 

Being a bystander is dangerous to you. As the bully pushes more and more people out of their life, they are left with fewer and fewer outlets for their damage. 

That leaves you. 

It’s possible this person has already been damaging you, and you haven’t noticed it yet. 

A reason why other people may be so upset with you for sticking with an unkind person is seeing this person be unkind to you, and seeing you not take notice of it. 

Or perhaps you brush it off. 

“Oh, that’s just how they are.”

An age-old, sorry excuse for poor behavior. It’s time to grow up and find better reasoning. 

And probably a better friend, too. 

Being a bystander is dangerous to the bully. Remaining loyal to a person who is unkind, disrespectful, harmful, doesn’t teach them anything. 

They will be led to believe that their behavior doesn’t have real consequences. 

For too long, they will believe this, until eventually the consequences find them.

It will destroy them. 

If you truly care about a person in your life who is harming other people, you will tell them they are causing harm.

You will listen to those whom they have hurt. 

You will not stand by and watch.

You will not stand by and hear.

You will see, and you will listen.

Prove your loyalty. For real this time