The life of a billionaire

Marcus Falcão / THE GATEPOST

By Antonio Machado Multimedia Editor “I’m immortal now,” Taylor Swift sings on the titular track of her newest studio album, “The Life of a Showgirl.” She’s not gloating - that is an absolute fact. After releasing nine albums this decade alone, including rerecordings and brand new studio albums, as well as having the highest-grossing tour of all time - it’s indisputable she is one of the biggest musicians of all time. That begs the question - why? Because the music she’s making certainly doesn’t warrant this status. “The Life of a Showgirl” is a departure from the melancholy Swift has so desperately clung to in her past few records. Instead, Swift pairs up with the writer of over 25 Billboard Hot 100 number one singles and her “1989” collaborator, Max Martin, to produce something unlike anything he has done over his 40 years in the music industry - something unremarkable. This record is the opposite of what was expected from it. The vivacious electricity of “1989” replaced by misty acoustics and synths, and the cutting, youthful vocal delivery exchanged for breathy backing vocals and very questionably placed vocal gymnastics. Most importantly, aside from a few incredibly rare moments, the record is strikingly devoid of catchy choruses or outstanding melodies to fill it out. “The Fate of Ophelia” tries its hardest to sound like Lana Del Rey if she tried making pop music, but without any of the lyrical teeth that give Lana her biting sound. The Jackson 5's “I Want You Back" is heard very astutely in “Wood” despite the fact they are not credited as a sample or even receive a nod for being interpolated. The song, given the influence, is incredibly groovy, but that’s no thanks to Swift’s failed attempt at tongue-in-cheek that reads more like tongue-in-knots. Swift is often referred to as one of the premier songwriters of this generation - jokingly referred to as music’s Shakespeare - but how is that possible when the genius she’s putting out is “His love was the key that opened my thighs?” There are moments where her pen is on fire - namely “Father Figure” - but the rustic cabin in “Folklore” has long since burned down, and we’ve been left with the ashes of creative genius - a genius that Swift clearly still views herself as, which causes a glaring incongruency with who she actually is. The showgirl has historically been a working-class woman who’s being taken advantage of by capitalist men in power, and when depicted in art, like in Paul Verhoeven’s “Showgirls,” they are tragic figures used to criticize consumerism and the commercialization of a woman’s body. How, then, can Swift relate to “The Life of a Showgirl” as a billionaire who has never at any point in her life struggled financially or had to show skin to have her music succeed? A few times in this record, she portrays herself as a victim of the music industry, but the days where she was the innocent girl on stage with no industry power or pull are nothing more than a hazy memory, and nobody can sympathize with the actual struggles she faces because her fame is stratospheric. “Actually Romantic,” a thinly veiled diss track in response to Charli XCX’s “Sympathy is a Knife,” would win the music equivalent of a “Razzie Award” if such a thing existed. The song stands out as not only one of the worst in her career, but also as a key example of her lack of reading comprehension skills and empathy. “CANCELLED!” tries to pervert the term into a compliment, but the cringy hubris present throughout the track reads and sounds like Disney Channel villain music. She acts as though knowing what the internet says about her is a funny “Gotcha!” moment, but it lacks the self-awareness to be satirical - it just seems like a grown woman throwing a tantrum. However, the album is, unfortunately, about her relationship with Travis Kelce, and the songs about him have the worst thing any musician could do - an undeserved key change on the bridge. “Wi$h Li$T” is a sappy love song wherein Swift renounces material possessions and says all she wants is a nuclear family in an American neighborhood, but the message falls flat when you consider the material luxuries she talks about are less than commodities for her - they’re spare change. She gets closest to making an actual song on the titular track, but that’s not because of her. The credit all goes to Sabrina Carpenter, whose voice makes Swift pale in comparison. The track is only listenable whenever Carpenter is the sole vocalist. “The Life of a Showgirl” is just one in a long list of albums that Taylor Swift has released wherein she deeply misunderstands who she is and why people actually like her. As she said herself, “You don’t know the life of a showgirl, babe / and you’re never, ever gonna.” Rating: D ChatGPT write me a Taylor Swift album