The Manospear: Built on fear and loneliness

By Izayah Morgan

Opinions Editor

Love is often defined as an emotion, and I personally think that’s a bit misguided. Looking at it from a psychological perspective, it is a state of being in which we feel the need to serve someone other than ourselves.

It sees us take on every single emotion - happiness, sadness, and even fear - but also psychological and physical symptoms such as anxiety, pain, and depression.

In every aspect of our lives we attempt to look at things logically, whether we’re a student, blue- or white-collar worker, we always are taught (in grade school and uni) to follow the data and repeated history to find the proper conclusion.

Somehow, love skips the framework of logical thinking.

For a lot of us, even if our childhood homes were not traumatic, we still saw versions of love that impacted us to this day. Whether we endured parental divorce, constant arguments, or just plain incompatibility between partners - it doesn't matter. Our first interpretations on what love is gets shaped by our parents or guardians - so if that gets affected, our whole perception of love is thrown off its foundation.

For a while, love for me was shaped by constant arguments and assumptions that people will leave. In truth, it has caused me to have an avoidant personality out of fear that if I don't get attached it won’t matter if people leave. For others, they become anxious that people may leave, so they try to become involved in every aspect of that person's life.

It can be dudes in manospear content shouting that women are not loyal and they deserve less. Or, a woman who claims that all men are bad for reasons that don’t always make sense.

But in reality, both these populations are scared. So scared that the populations they are attracted to will leave and won’t want to accept their authentic selves. So, they put up an avoidant personality that “protects” them from getting too attached to the population they “hate,” avoiding the risk.

But what's love without risk? The answer is that it’s impossible.

No successful marriage, relationship (friend, family, or lover) comes without risk. If you didn’t share the parts of yourself that might turn someone away, is it even love anymore?

Oftentimes the people who preach romantic relationships are hopeless - or I’ll put it in dude-bro terms “woman ain’t shit, bro.” They also believe heavily in family values. This I believe has the potential for us to bridge that gap with these populations.

There's one thing family can offer that is very hard to find in the real world - unconditional love. A love that exists beyond the social conditions of what someone would love you for - money, social status, fame, economic success, etc. Because at the end of the day, everyone's an individual - no matter how rich or famous. Everyone fears someone leaving them because they share a vulnerable part of themselves.

The manosphere and other spaces like it are built on fear. Fear is a valid emotion that was a basis for our ancestors when it came to hunting something that has the potential to kill. Not that 5 foot 3 inch woman who you see in the Dunkin line every day, but yet you can’t manage to talk to her.

Talk about yourself, know yourself, and share yourself - your whole self.

And for the sake of everyone, don't assume that you being alone is the same as you being emotionally safe.