You are not Sisyphus, neither am I

Courtesy of Alexis Schlesinger

By Alexis Schlesinger

Editorial Staff Being a complex person makes me both incredibly talented and incredibly misunderstood. I’ve been told these exact words, or some other version of them, many times. I work hard to be understood, because I have so many important things to say. I’ve been told I make a positive impact on people. But I’m always pushing against the weight of someone else's misunderstanding of me. They tell me they don’t see the point I’m trying to make, but refuse to help push their boulder-sized ignorance out of the way. It continues to block their view. So I take it upon myself to become visible. I push so hard for everyone to see my point, not for my own sake, but because I want to give. I want to be understood so I can be accessible to anyone who might need me. I’m every version of myself I’ve ever been, and I’m told, “there are people who understand.” But more often than not, someone gets tired of understanding me. Even after I explain myself over and over again, building and pushing everything up to my point, they tell me it’s so far away and so hard to comprehend. They ask me if the point I’m trying to make even exists. They can’t see it, so did I ever really have one? I know you may be frightened of how hard you might have to work to understand me, but I assure you, I will take care of it. I know I’m complex. I’m willing to put in extra work because in the end, it will benefit both of us. Just please, walk uphill alongside me. It’s Tuesday, I’m exhausted. But since it’s Tuesday, I also have so many things to do. I have people to talk to, an event to run, emails to send, meetings to go to - I even have this article to write. I decide I’ll figure it out another time, when I don’t have quite so many people I need to be present for. I try not to think about the weight I’ll be picking back up once the day is over. I’ve accepted for a long time that, eventually, I’ll have to go back to it. So far, I haven’t seen anyone pick it up unless I beg them anyway, so I trust it will be right where I left it. Secretly I hope to hear it’s been moved. I don’t. Instead, I hear something else, prompted only by the most normal conversation topics I’ve had in days. Someone expresses the want to give. Specifically, the want to give simply for the sake of giving. I’ve realized I’ve been made to believe that I owe it to other people to make myself understandable. Forcing myself to take on all the work of being “easier to understand” hasn't been providing relief from the weight of my complexity. Instead, I’ve been inadvertently removing the opportunity for those around me to strengthen their understanding of complex people. It may be easier for a short time - to allow someone to carry your misunderstanding in its entirety. Your muscles will grow weak in your selfish refusal to bear any burden. This might sound counterintuitive, but people who truly want to give are often most open to receiving too. Not in the monetary or physical sense, but they are the people who are most open to receiving who you are. They openly receive more of you, so they can understand you, and therefore continue to give to you. It’s not always easy to identify when your giving nature is being taken advantage of. Those people who misuse it will likely praise you. Why wouldn’t they? “Thank you for helping me out.” “You get me.” “You’re so empathetic.” “You understand me so well.” Until you don’t understand. All this time you’ve spent trying to make yourself more understandable has been enabling people. Ironically, when you become a “people pleaser,” people won’t feel the need to say please anymore. When it’s in your nature to give, you have to remember you also deserve to be given to. You deserve the same understanding you so badly want to give to those around you. Talk to everyone, give to everyone, support everyone. But don’t do it ONLY because it makes you more accessible to the people who need to hear you. It will also make people you need to hear more accessible to you. You aren’t Sisyphus. You aren’t being divinely punished by the weight of other people’s misunderstanding of you. Don’t destroy yourself trying to carry it.