At this point in my life, many of my friends are either in relationships or actively looking for companionship. Dating in college can be hard, especially with hookup culture and online dating where intentions can be misconstrued and are often full of people who steer away from labels.
Where is the intimacy?
Where are the people who want consistency and stability, who want someone to share their life with?
Often those kinds of people aren’t found on a phone or at a party, but where you least expect them.
For the longest time I heard people saying, “You will find someone when you least expect it,” and like most people, I thought it was just something people say to make you feel better about being single. But after a while, and my own experience, I realized it was true.
I have dated a lot of people who only wanted to be with me for physical intimacy and to feel like they had a trophy - it was not fun. I longed for the day when I met someone kind and intellectual enough to want more than just that - compatibility on an emotional level. And one day it just happened, when I least expected it.
And at that moment I realized, “Oh my God, they were right.”
There he was, in an unconventional place where I was put in a position where I had to be myself and show off my personality. I wasn’t expecting anything other than to go to an audition and potentially be cast for a college improv troupe, but there he was. Smiling at me, shaking my hand, and immediately matching my sense of humor.
I felt a way I hadn’t felt since I was in middle school. Butterflies in my stomach, a light feeling in my chest, and warmth in my face. I was stunned. It feels like just yesterday that I met him, and it was organic. No apps involved.
Don’t get me wrong, dating apps aren’t all bad. I know a lot of people who have had great success with them and some of them are even married now. And if that is something that has worked for you, that is amazing.
But unfortunately, dating apps often attract certain people a few months after they first launch. Hookup culture has been running rampant in the attitudes of those who seek intimacy with another person. Earlier ideas of feminism such as owning one's autonomy have become so misconstrued that it has made it harder for people to form true connections.
But love prevails, people aren’t alone forever whether it be romantic or platonic.
Love is found often when you aren’t looking for it. Don’t spend every day searching and thinking about when you’ll meet “the one.” If you spend too much time on that thought, you stop living.
Love requires growth - when you meet the right person there isn’t a “happily ever after.” When you find the right person you are SHARING your lives, you are still your own person. You still have to work, go to school, and do your daily tasks.
One of the ways you're gonna meet someone you’ll have compatibility with is by doing something that YOU enjoy.
So do the things you love, apply for that job you want, and try new things. You’re never gonna be alone in life as long as you have love for yourself. When the time is right, love will open the door.